and i thought its gonna be easy...

i thought i had forgotten about him, of my feelings for him, of a future with him.
i thought cutting my communication with him will make things easier for me.
i thought having a boyfriend would make it easier for me to move on.
but i was wrong.

it has been a year already since that incident, when Elle found out of my feelings for Gee, when she got mad after, and when i stopped having communications with both of them. Back then, i actually wished:
1. for them to break up
2. for me to have a boyfriend (so as to stop my feeling for Gee)
3. for my friendship with Elle to be restored
4. to forget everything that had happened
5. let go and move on with my feelings for Gee

true enough, almost all my wishes were granted. almost. I used to think i got all of it, but now...

sometime last month, i was able to talk to him. and every feeling i tried to forget came back the moment i spoke to him. It was as if nothing happened, as if i was never hurt. i though it would be easy for me to deal with him since its been a year already. but no, nothing is ever easy with love. i tried to stop it from filling my heart, coz it would be unfair for my boyfriend.

then last night, when finally we were able to text each other again, i had that strange feeling i know im not supposed to feel. But what can i do, absence makes the heart grow fonder. and i sure felt fond of him.. now im gonna have to start from the beginning. I dont want to feel guilty coz i have my boyfriend around. i know i should put an end to whatever im thinking now...