and i thought its gonna be easy...

i thought i had forgotten about him, of my feelings for him, of a future with him.
i thought cutting my communication with him will make things easier for me.
i thought having a boyfriend would make it easier for me to move on.
but i was wrong.

it has been a year already since that incident, when Elle found out of my feelings for Gee, when she got mad after, and when i stopped having communications with both of them. Back then, i actually wished:
1. for them to break up
2. for me to have a boyfriend (so as to stop my feeling for Gee)
3. for my friendship with Elle to be restored
4. to forget everything that had happened
5. let go and move on with my feelings for Gee

true enough, almost all my wishes were granted. almost. I used to think i got all of it, but now...

sometime last month, i was able to talk to him. and every feeling i tried to forget came back the moment i spoke to him. It was as if nothing happened, as if i was never hurt. i though it would be easy for me to deal with him since its been a year already. but no, nothing is ever easy with love. i tried to stop it from filling my heart, coz it would be unfair for my boyfriend.

then last night, when finally we were able to text each other again, i had that strange feeling i know im not supposed to feel. But what can i do, absence makes the heart grow fonder. and i sure felt fond of him.. now im gonna have to start from the beginning. I dont want to feel guilty coz i have my boyfriend around. i know i should put an end to whatever im thinking now...

How hard is it to learn?

ive been in this kind of situation over and over. I cant even count the times i felt this weird feeling towards a person, and yet nothing happened. as in nothing. nil. And still i cant help myself from falling for him. Argh!

By this time, i should have learned already. After experiencing heartaches of different level, i really should have learned. But what can i do? Can i just dictate it to my heart (or hypothalamus, medically speaking) that i should stop having this peculiar feeling towards him? I hope it's that easy, but of course, i know it isnt...

So, how do i deal with this situation again? hmm... i wonder which of my tactics worked before. There's this "cold treatment tactic", the "were-just-friends tactic", the "stalker tactic" or "let-it-be tactic". But i guess, i never thought of those things before, i just did those things on instict depending on the person. And right now, that person has no resemblance to any of my past flavors (^_^) so i guess ill have to create a new tactic, huh!

All the stress in school and reviewing is killing me! and then this situation seems to add up to my problems. Gosh, i never knew life could be this complicated! Argh!

Live, Love, Let Go...

Learning to let go is either hard or easy
For some, it takes a while
While others, doesn’t need any effort at all

There are a lot of things that we have to let go
Family…
Friends…
Career…
Life…
Love…

For the countless moments we have learned
To set these things free,
We became stronger…
Knowing we could do things on our own,
We became confident enough…
Knowing we could live without them,
We became independent…
Knowing we could deal with loneliness,
We became human…

Those are the things
That we could achieve
After learning
The art of letting go…